![]() Neither is it great when it seems it’s become your turn to be the subject of the gossip. If you hear negative gossip about someone, it can change the way you think about them, which can be unfair and harsh. ![]() Gossip can work as a glue, it flows between people who feel mutually friendly and it’s a sign that you trust them. As the socialite and wit Alice Roosevelt Longworth once said: “If you’ve got nothing nice to say… come and sit by me.” Instead of ‘he is irritating’ switch to ‘I feel irritated’, thus taking responsibility for your reaction It is an expedient way to bond with someone when you have a third party that you both agree is in some way bad. It is difficult to stop gossiping, especially if you feel insecure in your work environment. Her metaphor means that you need to cut yourself some slack when you are learning a new habit, it takes time to change behaviour. Then she walks down another street entirely. Then she sees the hole, she knows she’s going to fall in, it’s still not her fault, after which she sees the hole, she falls in, it is her fault. ![]() It’s about walking down a road and falling down a hole. I’d like you to look up Portia Nelson’s famous poem: An Autobiography in Five Chapters. Philippa’s answer You’ve recognised and articulated your problem you are well on the way to changing tack. I really respect and admire people who are more positive, open minded and can control their thoughts and emotions around others – how do I become that person and say goodbye once and for all to this poisonous part of myself? I don’t want to be small-minded by getting a thrill out of bringing others down. I have worked hard on myself in the last few years (becoming sober, going to therapy) and I am ashamed that I have not evolved into a better person. The worst part is, when I bitch about someone, I deep down don’t feel negatively about them and am baffled as to why I say such horrible things. I used to pride myself on my ability to be honest, opinionated and outspoken, but the balance has tipped into bitterness, whining and impulsive gossiping. It is the trait I deplore the most in myself and I am starting to believe that deep down I am a horrible person who doesn’t deserve any friends. Every day I give myself a little talk about how I am not going to say a bad word about someone and every day I get sucked into gossip or end up saying something mean. This primarily happens at work and I am not the only person who does it it is a toxic environment where bitching is the norm, so it is hard to resist. She has a Bachelor of Arts in journalism from UC Berkeley, a Master of Arts in education from CU Denver, and has taught K-12.The question I can’t seem to stop gossiping and complaining about the people around me. A gardener, she writes for California's Flowers by the Sea nursery.
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